Thursday 26th March 2020

The new cooker turned up today which was AMAZING given that Boris has decreed that all non essential work must stop.There seems to be a lot of debate about what IS essential work-at the minute some building trades seem to be going on. Of course I would argue that having no cooking facilities is an essentialwork.The builder doing the kitchen work sat in the van for two hours watching to see when the cooker people left.
'I don't want to be around strangers' he said..
I wondered if strangers were any more likely to pass on the virus than family or friends and recalled the weird Madonna in the bath video rant that I'd watched earlier on in the day about how 'coronavirus is the great equaliser'.
Well exactly..we all sit naked in the bath filming ourselves wearing nothing but rose petals on our bits in times of national crisis ..
As usual Chef asked me what my plans were for the day.
I turned off the news.
'I'm going to trim the prickly bush'
Which raised a slight titter.
I spent the whole day on the garden again, weeding and cutting back HARD rose bushes and climbers.I don't worry too much about the buds they always seem to come back stronger from a good prune 18 inches above the ground if you're interested.
And if you have your own organic compost which you've lovingly fed for two years ALL THE BETTER.
What you need actually is two compost heaps.One to decompose and one to fill with all the veg trimmings, some cardboard-egg boxes are great, newspapers, teabags, coffee grinds and also the aforementioned secret ingredient..
When you start off it takes two years for the first to be ready, but once you've got to this stage you have one to fill and one that you're using.

Quality sieved compost

I have HIGH hopes for the produce this year as we also had a shitload of manure delivered a few weeks ago which we spread all over the veg patch.Bit whiffy at the time but you get used to it..

Whatever you do though DO NOT,I repeat,DO NOT spread farmyard mature on the area that you plan to plant root veg such as carrots.

If you do the tender young carrots will not be strong enough to fight their way straight through the bits of straw and you will end up with RUDE carrots..chortle..

*plants carrots in manure* 

News today;Prince Charles has Covid 19 this promoted a deluge of jokes most of questionable taste which I dare not repeat on here other than :

'Prince Charles has tested positive for COVID 19, however Prince Andrew has decided not to be tested and just sweat it out' haha.

At 8pm we all went outside to clap for the NHS which was nice if a little lacking in atmosphere up here,I couldn't help thinking it was a poor substitute for sufficient protective clothing for them.

I saw a  woman on the news in Russia who was happy to go into church and not observe the social distancing rules 'as the virus could not be spread in church' ..and Reader, SHE WAS A DOCTOR..
Maybe it's time we all found God.

Planted the early potatoes today; Maris Pipers and Pink Firs and returned the rancid compost heap specimens we found yesterday back on this years compost....

The Coronavirus Diaries

It's only five days since we closed the doors of the pub yet it seems like a lifetime ago.
God knows when/if we will open them again.
In the space of a few weeks this virus has gone from 'its just the flu' to a sweeping force which has put a stop to life as we know it.
Ive been keeping busy with the garden and avoiding binge watching the never ending news updates restricting myself to twice a day Breakfast news and the daily Boris show-enough to keep informed but not enough to have me in a constant state of panic.
I've had a gradual realisation  that this is our generation's World War and the fact that we are living through  history made me think I might as well document it.
Thankfully our house is pleasingly relatively isolated so following Boris' instruction to socially distance 2 metres (6 feet in old money) from other human life was no big deal.
In reality the vast majority of the population read 'stay at home other than for essential supplies and to exercise' as 'head out to the countryside for a stroll/cycle/run'.
Reader, in one day I saw more people pass my garden gate than I have in the last 2 years, it was more akin to Clapham junction than the usual bucolic calm we're used to.
The Chap spent the whole day barking at a succession of startled day trippers.
Particularly galling was the family of four who set off across the farmers recently ploughed field adjacent to our house.
'Good luck with that one if he spots them' said Chef..
I've spent every day in the garden and have AVOIDED at all costs the supermarket, picking up supplies from our local Co-op and butchers which are both fully stocked due to restrictions on the amount of items you can buy.The checkout woman told me that some are filling their baskets with the quota then going out putting the stuff in the boot then coming back in again!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?
Today the Coop introduced a 'one in one out' rule it was weird to see a queue of people outside waiting for their slot, all 2 metres apart and staring vacantly ahead, it was like a scene from Shaun of the Dead,I turned the car around and went to the garage which was FULLY STOCKED with groceries wine, crisps and chocolate and pleasingly empty apart from the extra staff restocking the shelves. I had a slight wobble when I paid with cash and didn't want to touch the change proffered so hurriedly grabbed the booze and ket and told the bemused lad on the till to put the change (over £5 ) in the charity box..I could see him furiously sanitising the counter through the window and glancing nervously outside, probably wondering if the virus affected peoples brains too...
At least our nation of shopkeepers is doing ok out of this thing.
We have zero food in the house due to being in the middle of a protracted kitchen refurb and having no cooker, sink or washing machine..
The toilet roll shortage has been well documented however, pleased to say we are fully stocked and haven't even started on the blue centre feed roll (niche catering product)or table napkins yet!


Thankfully the weather has been idyllic 17 degrees today its as if Mother Earth knows we need help..
This afternoon Chef appeared with a brand new Black and Decker drill an optimistic  Christmas present from his Dad gifted in December 2016 which had not yet seen the light of day.
After reading the instruction manual-'how to insert the bit' he managed to construct a rudimentary contraption designed to sieve the compost heap for dispersal on the vegetable garden.

Functional sieve

'I don't think much of your dove tails' I said
However miraculously the thing WORKED a treat and during the process we filtered out some lovely Maris Pipers which had been positively THRIVING in the abundant nutrients.

Appetising spuds

We'll have them on the BBQ for tea'
'Erm.. well no I don't think so' said Chef
Well I know now what the late night visits to the veg garden were all about... as Chef said its liquid gold...'only following National Trust instructions...'
SIGH.