Blooming marvellous!

This week we've I've been busy with floral displays at both pubs,I like to make a big effort.The gardens at the Inn are stunning,though every year I seem to forget the inordinate amount of extra time (which I can ill afford to spare) spent with the ritual watering.
Did I mention we're on a water meter?
Further evidence of excessive water expenditure

The gardens at the New Pub are looking reasonable but not quite up to the extent of the required floral impact.I returned to the garden centre to source yet more blooms(Id exceeded the budget already but Chefs recent motor vehicle expenditure has afforded me a degree of flexibility...)
Id spotted a flat roof at the back of the pub which was crying out for some colour.
Last Thursday evening just before service I nipped out to place the final touches in situ.
Please note a lightweight garden chair such as this one does not, I repeat does not, make a suitable ladder.
Inappropriate ladder showing impact damage

Just as Id lifted the second box into position I lost my balance.I endeavoured to jump clear of the chair but friends,unfortunately my chunky kitchen clog had become trapped in the slatted seat.As I sprang clear like some latent gazelle( I know an optimistic picture),the chair flew into the air still attached to my foot.I rolled to the ground (at last my Pony Club training proves invaluable)with the chair still clinging on for grim death, feet skyward,flailing on the pavement,sited conveniently directly next to the now busy road awash with teatime traffic.
A number of cars slowed down to help enjoy the spectacle,I even solicited a couple of jovial toots of the horn.Adrenalin hauled me back to my feet as quickly as Id fallen, projecting a nonchalant image fiddling with the blooms and standing back in feigned admiration, stoically keeping my back to the traffic until I was absolutely sure no driver remained who had witnessed the debacle.
But actually Ive cracked my elbow..
The offending window boxes

I seem to be spending an increasing percentage of time on my backside lately.

Continuing synchronistically on with the bottom theme ( all will be *revealed* later),I've been meaning to treat myself to a new camera.
The extent of my photographic skills verge from mildly unflattering to downright offensive,unsurprising given that in the main  most pictures(including all on this blog) are taken on my mobile phone.Recently I sought the advice of the good folk of Twitter, the consensus confirmed a Panasonic Lumix  would indeed ideally meet my requirements.I've been admiring the functionality and practicality of the product on line and dropping subtle hints in favour of an early purchase.
The other day I happened to notice a camera case lying next to the bookings diary at the Inn.
I was informed that a customer had left it over a week ago.
'Has no one rang for it?' I say.
Apparently not.
You would not believe the quantity and diversity of personal items that people discard at the pub.As a general rule I store items for a couple of weeks then any that remain unclaimed are offloaded at one of the many charity shops in our local town. Me and Oxfam are *like that* .
Sadly, valuable items are generally claimed within a couple of days.
As an afterthought I casually picked up the camera case and opened it.
Would you believe it dear readers?An actual PANASONIC LUMIX camera ,the very object of my desire,was fortuitously contained therein.
Mahoosive dilemma.
Conscience wrestled me momentarily, then bade me surrender the camera to our local police station.
I was advised that should the item remain unclaimed,within a specified timescale it would be returned to my personal possession.Huzzah!
I'm tentatively sitting out the qualification period with nervous anticipation.
This afternoon I was regaling the tortuous nature of the camera situation to a couple of the girls and was met with an uncharacteristical stunned silence, followed shortly afterwards by three panic stricken faces.
It transpires that the contents of the camera had been viewed on many occasions over the course of the last week and had been disparagingly noted to contain photos solely of train stations and varying train and engineering parts.
Working on the premise that the owner of the camera would no doubt return to claim his prize at some point very soon,certain parties had deemed it appropriate, nay even a favour, to supplement the interest and indeed the variety of the existing portfolio by taking photos of a certain persons bottom.
I'm reluctant to disclose whose posterior in particular was captured on film but it seems Only Daughter was central to the plot.Clearly,the possibility of m'self handing in the evidence to our local Plod had not been factored in to the equation.
Ive been feigning absolute disgust and have suggested that the resultant investigations may culminate in a 'bottom identity parade'.
(This conjured up a mental image of a Toulouse-Lautrec painting featuring a row of Moulin Rouge Can Can  bottoms ,I tried to source this picture but I'm afraid I must have imagined it).

Imagine a row of these
Chef makes a far more convincing bottom via this Fentimans drip mat.


Secretly though I'm  moderately concerned and am keen to know what the craic(snort) is with this?

Is it a criminal offence to photograph ones derrière for the personal perusal and delectation of ones diners??
I sought Chefs' expert advice:
'Well..' (scratches chin thoughtfully)'that depends...'
Self:'On what??????'
'on the individual attributes of the bum in question......'

Obviously...

Comments

Young at Heart said…
ouch...poor arm....the garden looks divine but the camera story really is the bottom line.....
The gardens look lovely - hope your elbow is OK. Do be careful when climbing in kitchen clogs! I've been on a first aid course this week and can tell you how to put it in a sling, if you like.
Thanks I love the garden.
Actually the elbow isnt that painful,more irritating, no point just a weird crack...
Garden looks gorgeous, I love a bit of colour, the tartier the better. As for your garden acrobatics, you could just suggest to people that you're getting in training for the London Olympics, but need some work on the dismount and . . . I can thoroughly recommend the Panasonic Lumix!
Alison Cross said…
Garden looks fatnastic!

I concur that the Lumix is great - that's what I use for my own humble offerings. It's currently off to the racing at Assen, so no posting while I have no camera!

Guffawed out loud at pic of wibbly chair!

And camera pix of bottom on abandoned camera is GENIUS!!!!!! *hats off to the girls*

Congratulations on being 1 year old!!! *toots tooter and throws streamer*

Ali x
Alison Cross said…
FANTASTIC was what I meant to say *sigh*

AX
Ah, the dangers of cheap garden chairs.
You can always console yourself in thinking about sll the pleasure you've given all those passing motorists. Imagine the conversations inside said vehicles:
"Oh Daddy, look at the funny lady"
"That's not a funny lady son, that's a clear contravention of the Safety at Work Act"

The camera:

Knowing cops (my Dad was a polisman in Glasgow), the additional pictures have probably been printed in high resolution colour and pinned to every available noticeboard, plus been emailed to every station in the district.

Fame.
Respect.
At least 6 months community service.
Su-Lin said…
Teehee, good luck with the camera then!
Update:THE CAMERA HAS BEEN CLAIMED...
Oh goody.
Please let us know when the train-spotter expires on seeing the vision that is Only Daughter's derriere.

Question. Was he wearing an anorak?
Liz said…
Bad luck on the camera being re-claimed!! Your garden looks fab - but it's all very very hard work isn't it!!!
TCFO said…
your capacity for regaling a tale is immeasurable! I particularly liked your style of feigning "fine, fine, I'm fine" until any potential observers had passed after your fall. I can so see doing that myself. Very disappointed about the camera being claimed. You deserved that camera!!

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