Show you my drains.

The drainage saga continues.
The kind chaps from Dynorod have kindly inserted an inspection camera into my drain and established the root cause of the persistant blockage.

Et voila:

A collapsed pipe.The carefree turds float along merrily until they arrive at said obstacle then,due to the volume of water not being high or forceful enough(due in some part to the modern day water saving flush trickle) some of the little buggers become trapped underneath, then gradually the solid mass increases with every new arriving turd failing to breach the dam:
Seemingly the only solution is to dig down under the pavement,a distance of 2.5 metres and carry out said repair.
Not quite.
a.We need permission from the council(cue deafening alarm bells) to dig up a public pathway.
b.There is some confusion over responsibility for the work ie us or the council.

Now a word of warning dear friends.
If you ever  experience a blockage such as this,never ever try to sort it out yourself first.Why?
Let me explain.
Over the past couple of weeks we've paid for various plumbers/Dynrod to jet/rod the drains ourselves.We have also rodded the drains ourselves on numerous occasions.See below:

On the occasion of the Bank Holiday blockage,Ems' Ma and Pa kindly helped out.Pa descended the manhole cover and vigorously rodded the drain.Presently the sludge spluttered and cleared and as the pit of the manhole was revealed it was duly noted to be littered with pebbles.
Pa was of the opinion that they needed to be painstakingly extracted to avoid an exacerbation of problems.
Due to the 'ole being a tad snug and Pa no longer being as svelte he used to be, bending over in the restricted space to pick said pebbles out was clearly not on the cards.
I love, nay ADORE my whites, they absolved me once more.
Pa's eyes alighted on Ems 'youre skinny you'll fit' Nodding enthusiastically.
Ems: Nooo, i cant.. (tears)
Ma:'Ill do it.' Raised eyebrows.
Ma strode over with purpose,starfished on the concrete, then dove head first into the manhole(stern farming stock)
Ma:'It stinks down here'
Pa:Well,it will do, people have been shitting down there.'
Moi:'What if she's overcome by fumes and falls in??'
Ems:'Dont breathe!!'
Ma:'EH what do you think I am ??A fish???'
Me:'Quick grab her legs!'
I'm no atrtist but I think this gives an idea of the scenario.

Folllowing the camera jobby (no pun intended) and report from Dynorod we contacted our local council for permission to carry out the repair.On their first visit they inferred that the work might in fact be their own responsibility despite the problem being in the private sewer prior meeting main drain, due to some caveat covering pre 1916 properties.
Great methinks-when can you sort it out??
Not that simple.
Why? because the council cant see any problem with the drains because they are clear.
'Yes' I say,' we've rodded them repeatedly ourselves'.Nodding overly enthusiastically.
'Ah' says council man.'Thats where you've gone wrong.You should have called us first then we could have logged(no further pun intended) the problem.'
Council man was an irritating little balding sort with blatantly obvious control issues.Hoisted by his own petard.And loving it.
'But I have the Dynorod report' I say.'See??' Pointing at the incriminating photo,'I've paid £175 for it'
Hopeful face.
'No' says smug council man 'you need to wait until the drain gets blocked again,then call us out.Then after two or three visits we will log a problem then we may well instigate further investigations,possibly even a camera to see what the bother is.'
Later I recounted the days events to Chef.
'Well you know what to do tomorrow dont you??Lift the cover and make sure the bleeper is blocked.'
Chef expressed a retrospective desire to shove the bleepers' baldy napper down the drain himself...

Beam me up Scottie, there's no intelligent life down here..


Pavel said…
Ah drains... I'd say this is firmly with the council to be honest if the damage is off your demise. Go above that little turd from the councils head (pardon the pun). And kick up a right stink (I'm enjoying these now) speak to your councillor write to them etc. His proposed solution is not only irrational but wasteful of council resources.
That is ridiculous. Surely as you know what the problem is the only answer you want is who is responsible for the work and if you are then the relevant paper work and councils are moaning about their cuts *rolls eyes*
how lovely... I had drains that stank of garlic for years because my upstairs neighbour cooked at home for her restaurant and poured the fat and clearly tonnes of garlic, down the sink... I love drains me!
Alison Cross said…
You can NEVER win with the Council *shakes head sadly*. If you'd not rodded it, you would have been doing something wrong.....if you do rod it, well, you've still done something wrong.

The quicker they outsource this little tit's job to India, the better all round, I say.

Get pooping.

Chef's idea of shoving the little shit down the drain would be a oerfect solution. If he's too small, you could top it up with the Labradoodle for a tight fit. They might enjoy each other's company.
Thanks for the write up. Your establishments are wonderful, and of course, we all enjoyed you and Chef's company.
TCFO said…
omg - red tape, is that what it's called? Or just set up as most things are to drive the average citizen over the edge - uhoh, no pun intention. Your illustration very clever, of you over the edge. We have whole neighborhoods contaminated over here from old clay pipes that seep sewage before they clog entirely, crack or blow open. Not a good thought, but ignorance is bliss - I was only just apprised of this news by someone in the know. We have no council over here - it's just every man, woman, child, pet or piece of poop for themselves! Good luck!! (and maybe I wills save your posts for when I am not eating my dinner!?!)
Young at Heart said… the council...if you've nothing better to do you could go for the squeaky wheel option and just complain everyday, twice a day even, just for the sport...good luck!!
Nelly said…
Oh my that sounds horrendous - though I did very much enjoy your drawing!
Great blog, just found you..
Nelly x
Darryl Iorio said…
Drainage systems are prone to clogging and problems such as these. Monitoring what goes through your drainage is almost impossible. Having a collapsed pipe would surely trouble you for a long time if there are no professionals to help you. How long did it take to repair this? I hope you don't experience any more inconvenience.

Daryl Iorio
James Warren said…
I know it’s been a while now, but it seems hard to believe that you must wait for another blocking to report the problem and have action taken. I think that was not a good idea because if the problem continues, it will mean an expensive damage repair. I hope it’s fine now.

James Warren

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