Indecent proposal.

We've been hiring staff.This is very stressful.
In an effort to maintain some sort of consistency,its always the aim to engage people who can commit to some sort of definite time period.
I offered a full time(ish) position to a very personable girl who I was informed was available until next September,which in this business is about as long as you can expect.
(I wish more people would look on hospitality as a career rather than just a stopping off point as there's so much potential to progress quickly due to the lack of applicants.)
The first week went well,then ominously prior to the second week of work we were informed that she was unable to work the whole of the following weekend.
Mindful of this, the rota for the forthcoming working week was finalised with new member of staff working only a couple of weekday shifts.
On the Monday evening Chef received a text message from new member of staff informing him that she was 'stressed due to her DRIVING THEORY TEST therefore would be unable to fulfil ANY SHIFTS WHATSOEVER FOR THIS WEEK..'
On the Wednesday evening,having covered the bar all day including for the graveyard shift(3-6pm)due to being dropped in the proverbial shite, all was not jolly.
Reiterating the tale to the evening staff who came in at 6pm, as to why we were one man down that night,our barman for the evening responded in the inimitable casual way only posh boys can 'oh,she MUST BE DOING SOMETHING THIS WEEK....'
I'm surprised he couldn't see the steam emanating from my ears.
'Doing something'....And I'm NOT doing anything....I suppose..'
Chef cooked me a steak at 6pm which I had no time to eat due to the sudden influx of diners and the absence of staff.The food shortage obviously compounded the situation,lack of food makes me angry more than  anything else..
As we were dashing around my peripheral vision alerted me to a small commotion over in the bar area.
Presently I went over to the bar to collect some drinks.
Posh boy was pouring a couple of glasses of Champagne.He gestured me over.
'Biff....Female Regular has just proposed to Male Regular....(extravagant hand gesture at the glasses)....hence the I charge them for it??'

Normally I'm very generous with the customers,Posh Boy will be aware of this and will have known that I would normally have given them the champagne.But on this occasion Im afraid my thoughts were less than  charitable.Along the lines of: I've been on this farking bar all day since 9a bloody m,the last thing I need is posh boy telling me to give drinks away.
My response was short and to the point.
'Do I look like I'm getting married???'
I know.
This was disgraceful perhaps even shameful behaviour.

Next morning I was having a good old chinwag with slightly more mature/cynical barmaid about the events of the previous evening,paying particular attention to the leap year proposal.
Barmaid:'The day I propose to a man is the day hell freezes over..'
Self:'yes I know'
Barmaid: 'Smacks of desperation.....did she go down on one knee???'
Self:'Yes.yes I believe she did..'
Barmaid:'Aww,how undignified....'

We were still giggling as we opened the doors to the lunchtime diners,already politely lined up outside.
By 1pm we were heaving.
I was wearing a pair of linen trousers which were clearly intended to be worn with vertiginous heels,not my comfy flats, due to the surplus fabric flapping around and beneath my feet.
I hastily collected a tray of drinks:pint of Diet Coke,Pint of Landlord and a Cranberry(I'm looking after my waterworks) juice.
You will be familiar with the gender and demographic of your average cranberry juice drinker.
I think you can probably also see where this is going...
As I trayed the drinks over to said customers,I stepped on the three to five inch surplus train of trouser fabric,effectively and efficiently tripping myself up.
I took a nose dive towards the table.I wasn't exactly starfished, but from ground level I could see the cranberry juice splatted up the poor lady's American Tan tights.The unfortunate woman was expecting to be drinking not wearing it, but at least it was headed in the right direction,I thought.....
I was instantly transported right back to my school days, which was in fact the last time Id seen this particular shade of tight.At the time the favoured lunchtime recreational activity for the girls from the Bronx was to rip the American  Tan tights from the legs of the posh girls from the right side of town...
Are you wondering which side of town I'm from............?

'I wish you weren't providing a floor show for the customers' said Chef.

This was in fact karma.
Payback for my despicable behaviour the previous evening.
Next time the Newly Engageds come through the pub door there will be a couple of complimentary glasses of Champagne awaiting them.
Do you think this will be enough to restore Yin to Yang?


Blimey so much happening here!!

New member of staff is clearly from Generation Y and cannot be arsed to work and attend to own life at same time. This is a disgrace when you here how high unemployment is amongst young people and here's someone with a new job taking the mick from day one. You are too generous, if it were me I'd have fired her immediately.

Free champagne for proposing on Feb 29, well I'm sorry but it's all damn convenient isn't it. Unless you know the couple really well and the story is plausible I'd offer them a white wine spritzer on the house. They sound like the types who turn up in hotels pretending it's their honeymoon to get special treatment.

As for horrid scenario of decorating customers with cranberry juice, I feel for you. I would be useless waitress and probably do this every day of the week.
Sarah-Its surprising how many people come for jobs and then on a weekly basis cant do x or y time.Sometimes I wonder how they cant work out that if we didn't need them x and y time there would actually be no job.
Also im continually amazed by the number of young people looking for part time work only,my assumption being they are at uni or college,but no they look surprised when I ask then say oh Im not doing anything else!
Even had one girl aged 20 who came for interview who only wanted part time and told me she was too young to be committing to a full time job as yet:0
Its no surprise that Eastern European workers form the backbone of the hotel industry in this country,completely different work ethic.
Generally though we've been fairly lucky and have some very good staff:)
You have fired her, right? It's the worst excuse for a week off I've ever heard.

And I feel for you on the trousers front. When that magic iron-on hemming stuff was invented, my world was changed. No more falling down the stairs when my foot gets caught in my trailing trouser leg. My life will probably be years longer due to it.
Jassie-Lets just say she hasn't been invited back. I'm covering the extra shifts myself out of principle until we find someone else:)
Wally B said…
Your no show staff will come back in the next life as a galley slave.
Not much happening here at the moment. I should come home to help.
Young at Heart said…
what goes around........ offer them a bottle and maybe the perfect employee will walk through the door ... or maybe not ...... good luck!!
are you MAD? don't give them the free champagne... you run a business not a charity shop... I think if you do give them the champagne take the cost of this off the wages of the young whipper-snapper no show and then fire her tired old arse... then put a sign up saying 'only apply for a job if you WANT to fucking work here' or some such thing....
Wally- there's another thing we never seem to get many mature applicants,I've been told a couple of times 'I would have applied but I thought I'd bee too old'.The reason we have mainly young people working is because older people don't apply:(
Dom you would be amazed at some of the things people come out with.IT did actually cross my mind that non of their mates bought them a fizz:(
Expat mum said…
You should probably put an advert in Saga, or down the old folks' home. Seriously, young kids have no bloody clue do they? I hope to god mine don't start behaving like that once they get out into the world. It's bad enough that when I asked my 16 year old how he thought he was going to fare at college (ie. with cleaning and laundry and stuff) he said he'd be fine because he'd get a cleaner! My how I laughed!
Expat Mum -living away from home has totally changed my 19 yr old,he has a much better grip on reality.In his first phone call home from uni he was complaining about the cost of food. 'I can't believe how expensive it is' yesi said,tell me about it!
AAAAaagggghhh. Gen Y.

Every day we get the same moans at school.

Icouldn't do my homework
I couldn't get out of bed
I have to leave early
I need!
I want!

Remember the story of the Ant and the grasshopper?

We'ver aised a whole bloody worldof grasshoppers.
"The world owes me a living" They say.
Yeah right.

Bad luck about the Cranberry juice. It could have been worse. It could have been boiling-hot thick soup.

Regarding the free donation of champaigne.

I've always wondered, "Why Champaigne?"
it tastes nowhere near as goodas a nice Bordeaux, or a Burgundy, or even a decent Sauvignon Blanc.

It's a con by the French (quelle surprise!)

Let their mates buy it.
Get them a glass of Pimms or something abit Brit. (or something even cheaper)
Does anyone sell Baby Cham these days?
TSB Babycham.That was the first drink I ever ordered actually with Brandy.I'd heard my Grandma ask for it.The poor boy who took me out nearly passed out.
might see if I can get some:)
Maybe a certain Mrs.Fletcher will be applying for a job later on in the year, maybe your followers are right "Mature" is the wayyyyy to go !!!!!!!!!!!! You poor thing ending up on the floor !!! I feel your pain, at least you are slim and fit enough to have managed to get back up again, I would have had to roll on my side and grap something to hoist myself up onto, ahhhh happy days sis !!! Look forward to seeing you sometime this year !!!! :-) xxx
Vivianne said…
LOL I remember Babycham. And Snowballs in bottles. And Gold Label. And Mackesons. The best staff I ever had were older than I am now; I kept increasing their wages so they wouldn't retire ;-)
Alison Cross said…
I quite liked a babycham. I also like Crabbied ginger beer....and I've just discovered a local pub does Grouse and Ginger - ON TAP, like lemonade *high fives*

As for the trouser tripping - I regularly scuff the heels of my good trousers by wearing a shoe with too low a heel. WTF can ayou do? Buy a pair of trousers for every heel height that you own? Or use a stapler to take up the extra material temporarily? Akshully....that's not a bad idea!

Staff - what a terrible problem. They are not taking their working options seriously. I would NEVER let down an employer like this.

Ali x
Clippy Mat said…
I completely agree about the Eastern European workers who I noticed working in hotels when I was in the UK last year. They were polite, hardworking, (clean and tidy) and spoke very good English.
Too bad you can't find the right person because it sounds like a good job too. I'd apply meself but it's a fair hike from here.
Good luck finding someone.
Anonymous said…
The whole point of working a casual hospo job is the ability to take time off where and when you need to; otherwise, why the hell would you work nights and weekends for SFA, often no penalties, no OT and no sick pay? Also why no-one in front of house sees it as a "career" - you work enough s****y places you realise the only option is to get a real job or start your own place, where the late hours and backbreaking work will at least be on YOUR terms, not some other wanker's...

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