Look at me!! Im NUMERO UNO!!!!

Regular readers of this blog will be aware of my on/off relationship with a very well known internet review site.
Fickle and swarthy, the Blighter's cocked his flaming hoop in my direction way too often,cunningly leading me on with his diversionary complimentary tales,stroking my ego and gaining my confidence only to ditch me like the Monday leftovers at the Toby Carvery (who the feck eats Auntie Bessies on a weekday anyway??).
The Bounder.
Lately though, Ive been giving him the cold shoulder.
Plotting my revenge.
I hatched a plan.
To gain the upper hand.
To be NUMBER ONE.

I identified two ways to achieve this objective:

1.Never have a defamatory review(tricky,though not impossible)
2.Be the only pub in the village(bingo)

The fact of being grouped along with countless other outlets under the geographic restraints of nearby *small market town* posing a slight though not insurmountable hurdle.
A minor inconvenience.
Unbeknownst to Chef I contacted said on line review site pointing out our location in *out of town hamlet* asking them kindly to amend their records forthwith,this being both misleading and confusing to customers and surfers of on line review sites alike.
I was dubious as to the expected success of my ambitious assault but God LOVES a trier, so I sat back and basked in the joyous warmth of the half dozen complimentary reviews over the following two week period fully anticipating the vicious drubbing which would  invariably follow soon afterwards.
Perchance Sunday night, having a few spare moments and with Chef being otherwise engaged in usual Sunday night pokery with pals,I chanced a cursory glance at said site.
Would you believe it Dear Reader?
I was NUMERO UNO!!
NUMERO UNO of NUMERO UNO outlets in village.
I HAZ GAINED THE UPPER HAND.
Unable to contain my excitement and having shared the news with a brace of carefully chosen pals,and with much jollity ensuing, a couple of celebratory laps of the bar with m't shirt over my head were the order of the day.
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!
Despite the disturbances, the pokery activity continuing, with the only indication of due notice being  taken in point of fact being a barely noticeable ironically raised Cheffy eyebrow.
Reader,I haven't had so much fun in ages,I was in possession of serious and prolonged giggling pain.
Its true...I'm easily pleased.
'I wish you'd act your age' said Chef without even looking up from his winning hand.


The following morning,in a cruel twist of fate and whilst firing up said review site to admire and check on ones top drawer status,it came to pass that we'd had yet another stinker of a review.

But hey its cool,because ...guess what?...Im still NUMERO UNO!!!

In your face Tw**advisor.

PS:Im thinking about setting up a TA optimisation advisory service,all enquiries via this blog please:)










Comments

Have just read your response to the "stinker" on t***advisor. It is, as ever, a piece of comedy joy. I too was wondering about the complaint about a blackboard (clearly your visitor didn't make the correlation between fresh, seasonal food and printed menus. But the comment about the cake mix was quite baffling and your response was hysterical. I think perhaps you should write a book!
Nicky said…
Still laughing :D
Susan said…
Well congratulations are in order for sure as not many high class establishments can claim such an accolade.
Champers time!
Wally B said…
Marmaduke is right. You should right a book.
See you in May. Ali said she wanted to visit too, so please encourage her if you get a chance.
Expat mum said…
I would imagine that if you're number one, most readers will know that the negative reviews are just plain WRONG! Congrats!
Alison Cross said…
Yes - me and Legend are planning a Meet Up at yours in May - so I'll be there.

All joking aside - an optimisation service for *cough*advisor is a GREAT idea and I suggest that you get on to that right away. Right. Away.

Well done on being numero uno!!!

Am now off to read your responses. And write a book. Why not?!

Ali x
Deborah said…
HI there! I have been reading your blog for a long time now and I am now nominating you for the Liebster Award. The details are on my blog http://goodlifegoodday.blogspot.com

Cheers!
Deborah

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