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Wednesday, 5 January 2011

The Sorcerers Apprentice

I have some sad news.Brace yourselves. I'm sorry to report that The Apprentice's guest appearance in the kitchen came to an unfortunate untimely conclusion today,following protracted discussions regarding his dubious timekeeping.
We've learnt over the years that its very rare to find staff who excel in all areas of their job description.Some are good with customers,some very well organised,some proficient on the bar.The secret is to place people on their strengths,thus achieving a balanced and well rounded team.
There are however,certain aspects which are non negotiable.Turning up for work on time and ready to attack the job in hand is a fundamental requirement .Over the past three months the number of occasions the Apprentice has presented himself for work timeously can be counted on one hand.Sometimes its only been five minutes,other times longer,the point is nearly always late,mainly due to his inability to part company with his beloved bed.Which is a shame as he is actually good at the job.
I read somewhere that teenagers actually do physically need more sleep.

The Sensible One has been home from university over Christmas,what do you think he was looking forward to most on his return?A nice home cooked meal perhaps?Seeing friends and family? No, the thing he was looking forward to most was a 'good nights sleep in his comfy bed'.

Hmmm too much partying methought,but no, he likes to sleep with the window open which is optimistic in the centre of a busy city when being a country boy what you're actually accustomed to is complete silence save for the odd moo or baa.Seemingly the fire alarm goes off most nights and in addition he's been a tad unlucky with one of his flatmates.On first arrival at the shared accommodation on overhearing music emanating from a particular individual's room,and in the interests of extending the arm of friendship,The Sensible One approached the room in question and politely enquired what  the lad was listening to.
'I have Aspergers,go look it up on Wikipedia' came the response just prior to the door being impolitely slammed in his face.Unfortunately Aspergers boy goes to his room at around eleven each night and screams for a couple of hours..So a peaceful nights sleep was the order of the day for homecoming..

I digress,The Apprentice was informed last week that if he failed to show up for work on time again, his kitchen career would inevitably be prematurely curtailed.This morning he presented himself 40 minutes late.Chef was seething and informed him in no uncertain terms that his services were no longer required.
The thing that worries me most is that if he cant fall out of bed and into the shower then walk down the stairs to work and manage to arrive on time,what chance has he got of holding down a job in the real world?
I suppose you should never employ friends or family..
Following lunchtime service it transpired that the Apprentice had wisely made himself scarce and will no doubt be keeping a low profile until stormy waters have calmed.

With our now fastly burgeoning reputation as the Rose and Fred West of the culinary world due to our apparent inability to retain the youth element of our kitchen workforce, can I just decry this with the qualification that we do in fact have an excellent record of staff turnover.Most who come to work for us don't want to leave,one of the girls has just told us today that despite buying her round the world ticket (due to leave in Feb) she now doesn't want to go.Chef has told her she doesn't have to leave if she doesn't want to but I'm persuading her that she will regret it forever if she calls the whole thing orf..So that's another drama we've been dealing with...

In addition,having both picked up the Aprentice's workload today, bad kitchen Karma has resulted in Chef sustaining a very nasty cut which has required him to wear a surgeons glove on his hand all day.He never cuts himself.Not the best start to the New Year.

On top of everything else, I've had that disturbingly annoying Katie Perry song on the brain today,probably due in part to my giving an overly enthusiastic rendition of it at the top of my voice during the wee small hours of New Years Day following one or three well earned sherberts after service,you know the one:

Cause baby you’re a firework
Come on show ‘em what you’re worth
Make ‘em go “Oh, oh, oh!”
As you shoot across the sky-y-y



Whilst the Apprentice may not be a firework, he may well be shooting across the sky once my well aimed  toe comes into contact with the seat of his lazy arse..






Quite serendipitous when you think about it.....

6 comments:

Christina @ Fashion's Most Wanted said...

I've laughed out loud at this post! I'm great with people but terrible at timekeeping, although I might have managed to be on time if I lived upstairs... it's the travelling that usually confuses it all. People generally lie to me about what time they want me to be somewhere.

Your son's flatmate with Asperger's was a particular highlight. My friend has Asperger's. He's very funny and talented but he has absolutely no tact whatsoever.

I hope you sort the youth situation in the kitchen out soon xx

Dom at Belleau Kitchen said...

stick to your guns... if he can't learn from you then he won't ever learn! Happy New Year my dear x

Young at Heart said...

what a start to the year........your celebrations looked excellent by the way..... the only way is up, happy new year!!

Mrs P said...

My local pub has had a notice outside for 10 years (yes 10 years) which asks for "Reliable Staff" - they come and go on a weekly basis so I think you are doing okay!

Northern Snippet said...

Thanks for the comments its really much harder for us to find suitable kitchen staff than front of house.

Terry said...

If you're intelligent enough to go to college, having asperger's is NOT an excuse to behave like a c**t.

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